For more than a week now we have been in agony. Days seem to trudge by slowly and it seems that the wait will never be over.
In that one week, we have speculated, deducted, attempted, concluded, discarded and made fun of whatever that 9.6CM is. Little did we know that it was laughing at us.
January 25, 2011
The results of the 2 CT scans were in and we were dreading the results. At the back of our minds, we all hoped that the result would be a bunch of worms who are hungry. I stayed in our office that dreary Tuesday morning. I think the weather was a reflection of how our feelings were.
By 1pm, my parents came back from the testing and we were waiting for immunology and alpha beta test results before going to the doctor.
1:30PM The results were in. Immunology results were at 58.
My dad was too weak to make the trip to the doctor. We decided that my mom and I would go to the doctor and I will drive.
Before we left it was drizzling. By the time we neared UST, it was raining and I had a hard time seeing what was ahead of me not to mention my driving days would total to about one week. UST being the notoriously crowded and super traffic place it is, had me on the edge of the driver’s seat. It was bumper to bumper and we were at a race against time.
A few blocks from UST, I was in the middle of the unmoving traffic and managed to get myself stuck. I helplessly watch the light turn from green to yellow then red and not moving a bit. The MMDA caught my eye and signaled me to stop. I wanted to speed past him. It was 1:42pm and the doctor’s shift ends at 2pm, but I had nowhere to go. As soon as I opened the window, I started pleading. I had rain splashing on my face, and I was talking a mile a minute. Truth be told, I couldn’t really remember what I told him except that I had a doctor’s appointment, my dad is sick and crying at the same time.
All in one big blur. I think he got confused or he pitied me too much that he signaled me to just go.
A few minutes later we were in the UST parking lot. The whole ground floor was packed with cars. I had no choice but to go to the second floor. The place looked packed as well. Parking is not my strongest skill.
But the God’s were at my side, I found a slot that had ample room. We half ran, half walked to UST hospital across the parking lot.
We managed to catch the doctor just in the nick of time. He opened the envelope, opened his computer monitor and said, “This is bad.”
At that moment, my insides turned..
He said that he didn’t think the result would be like this. He was positive that it would be anything but liver cancer.
My mom asked, “What stage?”
The doctor replied, “ You see here? The are nodules in the lungs and colons. This is Stage 4 Liver cancer. At that moment my mom let out a shriek and started crying.
All I could do was sit and stare at the doctor
I had to be the strong one now. I had to be the pillar of strength for my mom.
My mom couldn’t stop crying.
I told her, remember our pact? Remember that you promised that we will be sstrong for this no matter what? We will save Daddy. No matter what. I asked the doctor for the next step and how long my dad has.
Next step is to have a biopsy and consult with a medical oncologist. My dad has about 6 months to a year, depending on how he responds to treatment and if the cancer is an aggressive one. I was crushed.
This is the horror story I dreaded. This is the nightmare I didn’t want to happen.
This is HELL.
* as I write this and remember, tears start falling in my face. There's nothing I can do to stop my heart from breaking into a million pieces.
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